Well Gentlemen, I have some bad news and some good news.
Bad news first: I have to have an operation and will be out of circulation for a couple of months – and just in case anyone is wondering, no, nothing to do with my womanly parts or assets.
As the bible says “And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off,…” well, my gallbladder is offending me, so I am having it removed.
Good news is, if you are quick you can still see me before I am to be sliced and diced, so check out my availability on the left margin and come pleasure me up until Tuesday 15th June 2010.
Even better news: I’LL BE BACK! Naughty and sexy and ready to raunch and romp with a horny gent or two or more, but only one at a time so please form an orderly queue. I am happy to take reservations for late August by email from now on.
Oh, and I almost forgot – I’ll be coming back with new photos!
Hey, I’ll also have more time for blogging, so watch this space.
As some folks will know I am a fan of Fantasy and Sci-Fi, but I am also quite partial to some gladiatorial action.
Indeed having grown up catching the first glimpses of naked male thighs and bulging biceps watching classics such as Quo Vadis, Ben Hur and Cleopatra it would be difficult not to.
So curled up in my usual place on the sofa with my hands wrapped around a mug of decaff and a bar of galaxy at the ready, I settled down to watch the first two episodes of the new series ‘Spartacus, Blood and Sand’.
True to form I never seem to watch ‘realtime telly’ anymore – viva la ‘sky plus’.
Hmm, what can I say about it? Rather a lot really, but I better try and condense it, lest readers seek refuge in the land of nod.
Interestingly the makers have kept pretty close to the historical facts of the main character’s lives and the cultures of that period, what really bugged me though was the usage of modern swearwords.
Not for one minute do I believe that the combatants would not use foul language and they probably had colloquialisms that meant the same as f**k, c**t and sh*t.
It just seems wrong being uttered by guys wielding swords and spears.
I suppose the saving grace is that the expressions are used in context as insults and therefore don’t lose their potency, unlike these days, where swearwords are just meaningless sentence buffers – but I’m digressing as I always do.
The camera work and special effects are great and the artificial back-drops mixed with very realistic make up (dirty, crusty skin, matted hair, etc) give the program a surreal edge and the graphic novel/anime inspired transitions are cleverly done.
I like this a lot, but can’t help feeling they belong in a Sci-Fi setting.
However the musical score is inspired and perfectly serves to enhance the mood of the scenes and reminds me of the classics, where often the music was the main mood setter.
I am not so keen on the scenes (and there are a lot of them) where copious amounts of blood are spurting in slow motion all over the place and close ups of gaping wounds lingering on screen for us.
Again all is done in perfect context, just a bit too much too often, I guess that is the computer game influence.
The revulsion I feel upon seeing these gory scenes is quickly soothed when faced with all those toned thighs, firm rounded buttocks, flexing biceps, luscious breasts and the odd cock thrusting and heaving themselves around in love as well as war.
There is nearly as much sex as there are fights and the sex scenes rival full-on soft porn, charged with an eroticism that appeals to me and certainly not recommended for viewing with the in-laws.
By the way, the cock was not thrusting, it was flaccid, yet impressive – and yes I rewound and paused for a closer look – and yes I am that sad.
Then we have the delectable John Hannah as Batiatus, ok, I know he is not a muscle bound young hunk, but what an improvement on Peter Ustinov (no disrespect meant) and that voice sends shivers up and down my spine – oh yes, I definitely would!
Sura
For those who are wondering where Peter Ustinov comes into it, I’m referring to the 1960s’ Stanley Kubrick movie Spartacus, where he starred amongst other greats such as Laurence Oliver, Kirk Douglas and Jean Simmons.
Since I’m star worshiping I should mention Erin Cummings, playing Sura, the love interest and wife of Spartacus in the series, wow, gorgeous. She reminds me of Liv Tyler or British actress Jaime Murray – again yes, I so would…
All in all, it’s a thumbs up from me for an hour of distraction, that doesn’t require any intellectual input.
Believe it or not – this is the condesed version… Just be grateful!