Cassie, Musings of a Cheshire Tart

I’m talking about Dennis Hayes from St Helens who couldn’t believe his eyes when he got a bankteller to give him a balance statement and found he had nearly £29 million in his bank account, he alerted the teller and got her to check that this was correct and apparently went to a different bigger branch to alert them to the error, but both branches insisted the money was his and when he asked if that meant that he could draw on all the funds cleared on the slip, namely the £29m he was told yes.

He eventually wrote to a letter to the Chief Executive of Barclays Bank, to get the mistake corrected, who sorted out the ‘problem’ and sent him a hamper as a thank you.

The bank released a statement saying that Dennis had just got the balance slip of another customer handed to him by mistake and he wouldn’t have had access to the millions as they were never actually in his account.

I’m not so sure I would have been able to resist the temptation of spending the money whilst it lasted, especially after having spoken to two branches of the bank and them insisting that the money was mine. I would have probably got them to confirm it in writing that the money was mine and gone shopping – followed by a session on the phone paying off all my debts and the debts of my family and closest friends.

Wow, the vintage lingerie and leather outfits I could buy, all the toys and gadgets I could have.

I’d buy my own exclusive gentleman’s and lady’s club with a sumptuous love hotel attached, where I’d bring together the most diverse selection of indies on tour.

I’d travel to research and learn sex and love rituals and practices all over the world and keep everyone up to date with my adventures via my blog … ooh, sweet dreams…

“Love is not the dying moan

of a distant violin,

it’s the triumphant twang

of a bedspring.”

S. J. Perelman

Forty years ago today the first man walked on the moon. I was not quite four and don’t remember much of the first manned lunar landing, apart from being allowed to stay up late playing with my toy kitchen , while all the adults sat glued to the telly, they were so intent on the broadcast, that I managed to force-feed them with tonnes of jelly babies and hundreds and thousands, which I was cooking up in my kitchen.

I am one of those people who want to believe, but need cast iron proof either way before they can.

There have been arguments for decades about whether the landings were all faked by NASA or not and either faction has scientists working away trying to prove their side. Every so often they come up with something new and one of the latest things are confirmations from the Russian and Chinese  space programs confirming detection of manmade debris on the lunar surface.

I will not bore the non-interested repeating all the arguments either way and as for the astro-nuts out there, I doubt whether I’d be telling you anything new.

Just one thing that keeps me on the side of the doubters:

If the first man walked on the moon 40 years ago and technology has advanced so much since then – why don’t we have at least one lunar base?

on other peoples conversations is rude, but some people will

discuss their stuff in public – so what can an observant girl do?

There are 6 categories of overheard conversations:
1st the one that makes you go all warm and fuzzy inside, aww
2nd the one that makes you go right on girl/boy, you tell him/her
3rd the one that makes you cringe and walk away as fast as you can
4th the one that makes you want to join in the discussion
5th the one that makes you so angry you have to walk away or you’ll hit the person
6th and best of all the one that makes you laugh out loud and keeps you smiling all day
          a) because the person said something intentionally funny or
          b) because the person said something stupid or
          c) because the person made a double entendre without noticing or
          d) because the part you heard is out of context, which makes it funny.

The choice snippet today in category 6d was:
One guy to another coming out of the gym: “Dunno, I just slap it till it goes taut …”

and a category 6b:
Woman to friend: “so when the pedestrian footpath goes over the road instead of under it, is that still an underpass?”
Friend in deadpan voice: “No, I think that’s called a bridge”

and a classic category 6c:
1st guy: “I definately think they should bring back hanging for certain types of murder”.
2nd guy: “What about women”.
1st guy: “Oh, (thinking) no, I don’t think women should be hung like men”.
(neither of them twigged and carried on their debate, bless)

NEED WASHING??

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom  in Tesco. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.

It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of Tesco.

We  waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in “Mom let’s run through the rain,” she said.
“What?” Mom asked.
“Lets run through the rain!” She repeated.
“No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,” Mom replied.

This young child waited about another 20 minutes and repeated:
“Mom, let’s run through the rain,”
“We’ll get soaked if we do,” Mom  said.
“No, we won’t, Mom. That’s not what you said this morning,” the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.
“This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
“Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, “If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!”

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said.

“Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the rain If GOD let’s us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,” Mom said.

Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. Of course they got soaked.

But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money and they can take away your health.

But no one can ever take away your precious memories…
So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I  HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE  RAIN.

Sex is like a bridge game;

if you don’t have a good partner,

you better have a good hand.

Being the conscientious sex-worker that I am, it was once again time for my sexual health check.

My local clinic is in the hospital and anyone who has had to attend the Countess (hospital) will know what a nightmare parking is, not to mention that you have to pay £2.00 for the hassle.

Just as well I always aim to be early for my appointments, since I found myself in a convoy of cars circling one of the smaller car parks. Adding to the problem was that you could only leave the car park if you had a token, which you can only get from inside the hospital, so you need to park up to get a token.

Intricate manoeuvres had to be performed as there were a number of blocked off areas creating dead ends out of which a string of 3-4 cars had to reverse and perform 6 point turns to get out of the cul-de-sacs.

If I hadn’t been worried about missing my appointment the hate fest unleashed by us suffering space seekers upon the inconsiderate drivers who had taken up one and a half spaces and there were a good few of them, would have been fun. There is nothing like a mob of brits having a good old moan.

Finally squeezing in between a merc, who’s owner had decided that his front tyre was fine on the space next to the one 4/5 of his car was occupying and a low metal post, I made it to GUM reception with 3 min to spare.

So I took a seat in the waiting area and looked around – at 5 men, who immediately dropped their gaze when I met their eyes. I could’t supress a grin at seeing their discomfort and buried my head in the magazine in front of me – I really shouldn’t laugh! But it was funny to see them tense because a woman had plonked herself in their midst.  I did wonder where all my fellow working girls were, this is the second time I have been the only woman here, do the other Chester ladies go somewhere else or is it just my timing?

Anyway I was called into a consultation room and after a brief chat was shown to the cubicle and left to undress and ‘assume the position’. Now you would think I would feel at home lying on my back with my nether regions bare and my legs akimbo, but there is something about the paper sheets and the stirrups in that always make me want to get this over with asap.

There was some coming and going in the room on the other side of the curtain, however a short moment later a young man in a white coat appeared from the folds of the curtain. Now, unless she had a sex change and had grown 5 inches in the last 10 minutes, this was not the same nurse. Without looking up from the notes he was reading, he said:”Right I’ll just take a closer look at that rash on your penis and maybe take a swab.”

His head shot up when I replied: “Good luck with that!” 
and the look on his face was priceless when upon raising his head he was confronted by my lady parts. Still bemused, it only then occurred to me to bring my knees together – he turned pink, uttered: “So sorry, wrong room.” and disappeared back through the curtain and out the room.

I was left giggling to myself, until my nurse returned and started to apologise – her face was solemn, but I could see mirth flashing in her eyes and seconds later we were both in fits of laughter. It has never taken so long to take a couple of swabs.

The rest of the appointment went smoothly and I left and went about my business for the rest of the day with a big smile on my face.

Just a quick post to say
to the lovely H for my gorgeous roses.

On my old blog I regularly posted a sexy quote or phrase that had caught my eye and I am resurrecting that today. So here goes:

Sex without love is an empty experience,
but as empty experiences go,
it’s one of the best.

My Scottish accent and my Chinese looks are probably a clue to me not being a native Cestrian. However I have fallen in love with this city and consider it home. So I feel I should share some of this love with you and want to tempt you to visit Chester and maybe as you are here anyway – visit me too! (of course there is an ulterior motive, lol)

So what is happening this month?

Sport events:

Show-Jumping 3rd – 5th July National Friendly British Masters held at Chester race course
I can’t say much about this, because as much as I like horses I haven’t got a clue about show jumping apart from Andrew Davis (a leading British show jumper) has nice buns.

Chester Races 10th – 11th July
Ladies & Gents evening on Friday and Saturday is totesport day, well the races are pretty well known so not much for me to say apart from: ‘Get your betting slips out?’

Music & Entertainment:

Chester Summer Music Festival 4th – 19th July
A wide variety of musical events from classical performances through to jazz as well as
sing-a-longs and performance talks. A number of exciting and interesting venues have been chosen, more info: http://www.chesterfestivals.co.uk/site/summer-music-festival

Chester Roman Games: Music, Dance and Death 18th – 19th July
Roman times and culture brought to life, military training displays, gladiator games have a go activities and more.

Bits and Bobs:

Raft Race 12th July; 10am to 1pm
This year the theme is Super Heros and Villans and there are about 40 rafts expected, a free fun spectacle.

These are just a few big events in Chester that caught my eye and I will post about other things to do in future posts including things I like, place I enjoy and more regular happening such as comedy nights and gigs. I hope you will enjoy reading about them and understand why I want to share my chosen City with you.